… the Jonathan Hittle Enzyme Buster. Here’s the thing – I love eating lentils and beans, but the results are remarkable. So, the Jonathan Hittle Enzyme Buster would be a small pot into which one would put the offending pods so they would get a quick, high-powered chemical bath, and maybe a spin cycle, that would break the enzymes into something digestible while leaving the flavor and texture of the legumes intact.

As the complaints from unsatisfied customers come in, I’ll partner with disreputable doctors for the installation of the Jonathan Hittle Tap – a small nozzle, implanted in the belly button, which connects via a series of small tubes to several locations in the colon. When one gets bloated and doesn’t want to wait for the gas to work its way out naturally, just open the nozzle at a convenient time and place and voila! problem solved!

And when that results in horrible lawsuits, I can start marketing the Jonathan Hittle Legal Fund.

Fooling
Reflexively,
Ego
Needs
Ever
More
Interest,
Explosive
State

This is a limitless topic, as my life is replete with things that I can fix. But, I never make such a list, as I figure I’m doing fine dealing with those things as they come up. But, since this is a request for *potential* resolutions, here goes!

lose weight – I’d weigh less if I were missing a leg
read more books – so I know how badly Hollywood is adapting them to the screen
get more exercise – by walking the dog around the neighborhood so she can disturb the peace
eat healthier – maybe those tubs of lard weren’t such a great idea
watch less television – what do those pixels have to say, anyway?
become an astronaut – or at least work on the costume
get more sleep – by taking naps at work
learn another language – I did pull out my Klingon Dictionary the other day
paint a picture – didn’t someone get a blank canvas into a museum?
save a child from a burning building – it seems like we used to have that video game…
start a band – I think Scandinavia is ready for metal-polka

That should get me through January, you think?

For the most part I think the holiday traditions in which I participate are pretty normal – gifts and dinners on Christmas, a big meal with family or friends on Thanksgiving, making small children cry on Halloween, celebrating Resurrection Day. A couple years ago I decided to do something a little different for Easter weekend. On Friday I set out a glass with some wine in it, put some bread on the top of the glass, and covered the whole thing with a napkin – the whole shebang then represented the burial of Christ. On that Sunday we then used that for Communion during our meal. It seemed like a good idea, but it turns out that was pretty nasty, so I’ve decided that if we do that again, I’ll have to refresh the bread and the wine every day so multi-day-oxidizing wine doesn’t try to make us sick.

Probably the strangest holiday tradition for us is the (mostly) annual International Talk Like a Pirate Day party. We didn’t get to have one this year (everyone was very busy), but it has proven to be fun. We get all dressed up, play some piratical games, and have a good time. I keep trying to encourage someone with a tall living room to host and set up some ropes in said tall living room so we can swing around and have sword fights, but no one seems willing to do so. I also want us to go as a group, in costume, to a local restaurant. A few years ago Fish was suggested for the location. I think it would be hilarious. I’d also like to have one of these parties on a boat. We have a decently sized reservoir here in the Fort, so it would make a good addition to the festivities.

Although, this year will mark our group’s third annual Wookie Life Day celebration. We get together and watch the Star Wars Holiday Special on Nov 17th, the anniversary of when it originally aired. Anyone who has seen the Holiday Special would probably think we were crazy for watching it once, much less multiple times, but it’s fun. I think. And one of these days I’m going to have time to make a Wookie costume, which will make the event awesome.

So, which is stranger: International Talk Like a Pirate Day or Wookie Life Day?

Right now I have a very rational fear of the paper I need to hand in at 8am and the take-home Greek midterm I need to hand in at 1pm. But, I do also have an irrational fear.

Have you ever been walking down a street at night and turned a corner to be surprised by the apparently harmless presence of three dots? Maybe it isn’t walking around at night. Maybe you’re surfing the internet, reading someone’s comments, and there they are, staring at you. What do you do? Do you complete the other person’s thought with your own? Do you try to determine what the author was thinking but didn’t complete? What if there wasn’t really a complete thought, so the author just sort of trailed off…

AH! There’s some now!

I’m participating with others in a small group of people who have devoted themselves to posting daily during 2009′s National Blog Posting Month. This year we have pooled ideas, of which one is drawn randomly each day during the month of November, aka NaBloPoMo. So, this month’s of posts will seem pretty random. Because they are.

Enjoy!

It occurred to me today that “they” could practically wipe out ten years of TNG movie mistakes by having Spock travel back in time and grab that little ship before it could be caught by the Nexus. No dead Kirk, no destroyed Enterprise-D. You could have Shatner in the new movie and rid the world of Berman’s mistakes.

Just a thought.

The semester started on Monday! It looks like it will be a fun one, what with more Greek, Church History, Gospels and Acts, and the intro to the mentoring program. Plus, I only have to go down there on Monday (yeah!) so that will be a little better.

Looking at the syllabi, I only have one really big project to do this semester, too.

I’m doing four ten hour days at HP. So far that has gone well, too.

In short, I think this is going to be a fun four months.

Tonight we had our Ricardo Montalban Memorial Khan-cert. Space Seed, The Wrath of Khan, 1975 Chrysler Cordoba commercial, and a little bit of Fantasy Island.

Mr. Montalban will be missed.

Denver Seminary gives us *six weeks* off. So, I *still* have not yet started the spring semester. I’ll start next Monday, the 26th. I’ll be in class from 8am – 4pm on Monday, and hopefully get my internet version of church history 1 done after that before heading home. Then it’s work the other four days. We’ll see how it all works.

As a recap, my classes this semester are:
Greek 2 (of four)
Gospels and Acts
Intro to the mentoring program
Church History 1 (first century through medieval)

I ordered my books on Saturday night. There are a lot of them, about 15. I didn’t bother looking at the average page count. I should have most of them by Wednesday at the latest, and I had better get started reading once they come in.

I also need to get reviewing my Greek.

Time to go, guests have arrived.